Bedrock and Joy

I got Jonathan up early this morning and he sat in his chair while I went for a walk with Jane Allen. She is such a good, good woman.  Several months ago I was in a dark place mentally and emotionally. Jonathan told me I needed to get up earlier because I was missing the best part of the day. In the quiet of the morning we find great peace and inspiration.  I have been trying harder to get he and I out of bed before the summer sun pokes its first rays.  He has been right about mornings.  He is right 99.5% of the time.

I walked for an hour, fed the tribe and myself breakfast and a made bacon for Jonathan.  He still enjoys bacon and yogurt in the morning but passes on everything else.  In addition to his morning indulgences I blended up leftovers, avocado and banana for his tube feed.  By the time the morning kitchen ritual had finished we headed back to the bedroom for his usual shave and shower and PT.  This morning he didn’t have it in him.  He was too tired to shower and his hip was in too much pain to stand through the shower.  I at least brushed his teeth and then put his bi-pap back on and snuggled him into his blanket so he could rest for a bit.

After he was settled in, I drained his cathetar bag.  As I opened the valve on the bag and let it pour into the urinal under it, I listened to the clanking of dishes loading, and music jamming in the kitchen. The thought clearly came to my mind, "We will be okay."  When Jonathan leaves us, whether it be days, weeks, months or years from now- he needs to know, we will be okay.  We will be a people that will carry his torch strong and bright for eternal generations to come. "Bedrock and joy."  Those were the two exact words that came to my mind.  He has guided his family into a place that has the assurances of the plan of salvation.  And we know that plan, centered in our Savior Jesus Christ. We believe it. We feel it daily. He has perfectly positioned his family to be recipients of the bedrock of the gospel and it will be our constant and carry us onward.  Secondly, joy.  As I felt the energy coming from dancing feet sliding across the floor to the load the dishwasher I felt the joy music brings.  Jonathan has given each of us the gift of music. It lives inside of him and he has always shared it with us. It moves us to smiles and tears in the same breath.  It will be our source of joy long after he is gone.  And we will be okay. Miss him indescribably, yes.  But 100% completely okay... because, with our Savior as his guide, this good man instilled within us bedrock and joy.  No one worry too much - He's got a lot of good miles left on him.