So That's My Problem...

I had one of those mornings that caused me to cry before I had even gotten a mile away from home. I sat in the car with my three crying kids bemoaning how difficult it really is to be a mother. I was on my way to the church to deliver food for a funeral and then was lugging all three kids to a visiting teaching appointment 40 minutes away. I was trying all morning to get the house picked up after Jonathan unloaded the remnants of scout camp, had to throw my skirt in the dryer to get out a few more wrinkles and was loading the boys in the truck. I had managed to get them in the truck but not before their coats were covered in mud from the dirty truck. It snowed on Sunday and we had taken the truck to our stake center 2 hours away for a youth standards night. I ripped my skirt trying to get up into the truck and slashed mud across it. Andrew screamed the entire time and Matthew joined in the crying chorus. I ran back into the house to grab the truck keys and couldn't find them anywhere. I called Jonathan to find he had taken them to work and I think I may have left the other set at the stake center the night before. That is still to be determined as they are still not found. After the fiasco getting them loaded I had to unload them and re-load them into the car. This involved the undoing of three car seats and repositioning. All the mean time the tears continue to flow and the funeral luncheon draws closer. After finally getting on our way I had a mom moment. I swore I was done having children, that I would never take them anywhere again, that I would never visit another sister on my visiting teaching route, but send letters until my kids are out of the house. My own tears continued to flow and as I drove a few thoughts entered my mind...

How fortunate I am to have not just one, or two, but three screaming children. Each one a gift from God... especially since a very dear friend goes into tomorrow for IVF implant in hopes that after 11 year of marriage their family can be just one more....
How fortunate I am to have a car and not just one, but a back up for when Dad takes the keys... especially since the family that I was going to visit and teach doesn't have a car for transportation nor have any hopes of affording one.
How fortunate I am to have a husband that has a job where he can race off in the morning with the truck keys in his pocket... that I am sealed eternally to a good man and am not raising these kids alone, a single mom.
How fortunate I am to be delivering food to a funeral luncheon and scurrying off for a visiting teaching appointment and not having to stay and grieve the loss of my father.
How fortunate I am to have a dress to rip... especially since a recent convert in our ward has decided to serve and mission and was called to Russia owning 1 single black skirt to take with her.
How fortunate I am to have snowfall after snowfall after snowfall to get my truck dirty... especially since I have a friend in Africa trying to get water to villages and tribes that go without.

I realized the most difficult part of my life is that I have more blessings than I have room to receive. I have been given anything a person could ask for in this life and yet it seemed this morning to be a burden. Ingratitude was really my problem this morning. Not kids, not keys, not cars, not mud... but a heart unwilling to receive all that our Father in Heaven has blessed me with. Things really aren't that bad. In fact the windows of heaven have truly been opened and I'm standing under them.

It's a Guy Thing

I asked Adam to sit with Andrew for a few minutes while I took care of the dogs. I came back to find my 3 month old a pro at watching PBS.

I love these little munchkins. I was thinking tonight and realized a mother loves her work in the most literal sense.

Nuk your heart out little one...

I have never had a child sleep through the night before 9 months. One was 9, the other was 11 months. This angel baby has got the left thumb mastered and I think I'm totally okay with this. He cries all day, but he sleeps at night. Adam wanted to join him last night. I can't find 4 very important pieces that hold my crib together so for now the crib mattress is on the floor. Adam thought sleeping with his little buddy was quite fun.

Rainbow Snacks

I do pre-school at home with my kids. We all like it and some days are better than others. Yesterday was "Penguins." Every time I read the book "Tacky the Penguin" I instantly picture my brother-in-law Ron. He is Tacky and I love the man dearly. Anyway, before penguins we randomly did rainbow snacks. It was fun. We all had fun. During lunch I randomly made up a story to tell to my kids while we were eating. It was about a penguin...he had a name that Adam made up, but I can't think of it now. Mr. Penguin didn't like cold things (which was a problem since he lived in Antarctica) but really wanted something warm. Adam decided he should build a fire. So the penguin sailed in his ice boat to the Green Land where a king lived that wanted ice. Mr. Penguin left his boat of ice, made a boat of lumber and sailed home. They both chopped up their boats and king had 100 freezers full of ice and the penguin had firewood to cook his fish. I guess I am learning a little more spontaneity in motherhood can be refreshing for all of us. I tend to march to the same beat of the same drum. Live life, do a jig now and again... even if your jig is just a few rows of dried fruit, roasted peas and Captain Crunch cereal.

Broiling and Wheat Banana Bread

I substituted white flour in my banana bread recipe for ALL wheat flour that I had ground. The oil was replaced by applesauce and the results were remarkable. I could scarcely tell a difference in the bread and my children ate it like frogs eat flies. It was finger-licking, lip smackn', fly swattn' good.

I discovered "BROIL." This upside down grilling is quite fun. We had broiled chicken, steaks, hamburgers and the Missionaries even got broiled pork chops. They were awesome. Pull that crazy looking pan with slits out of the bottom drawer of your oven and give it a whirl.

Insight

For the past several years I was serving as the secretary in our Stake Relief Society. I was released at the end of the 2008 year and still had the opportunity to compile the history for the Stake Relief Society. I did the history and sent it to the former RS presidency. The RS president sent me an email with this response:

"Oh me, or my. Seeing it in a summary format, really brings it to a close. How can all that we hoped to accomplish in our service last year fit into such a short summary? Not that there is anything wrong with the history you have complied, Amber. It just causes me to reflect/ponder - is this how Christ feels about us as a people. After his short three year ministry, traveling, teaching; and all that he suffered - the betrayal, the garden, the trial, the crucifixion and resurrection - do we (collectively) get the picture."

I found her words so profound. As a stake Relief Society we put together the musical parable "The Ten Virgins." It was one of the most remarkable experiences of my life in learning to trust the Lord and allow His will to be done and not ours. There were so many hang-ups and problems, and hurdles that at several points I thought it would be best to just call the program off. Only He knew the immense impact it would have on the lives of the sisters. I doubted and He pushed me through. I can't explain the growth that came from this one experience and the testimony building I had in learning to 1. Have faith in the Lord, 2. Realize the Lord's ways are not our ways, 3. The Lord's work will be done, man cannot thwart that.

All of this said, as I was compiling the history I put a brief summary of the Stake Home, Family and Personal Enrichment Meeting of "The Ten Virgins." I realized that in such few words, no one would ever know what it was really like and how it all came about and what really happened. Likewise, will we ever know what the Savior experienced? Do we have the capacity to understand? I saw for a very brief moment what the scriptures mean when they say there are not books enough to contain the miracles wrought in the life of the Savior.

How blessed we are to have the Holy Ghost. That allows us to feel what we cannot see, or read, or experience. Yet through the feeling we can know of an absolute uncertainty of truth, of miracles, of healing, of hope.

I marvel.

Oh my bubbles!

We have an enormous jetted tub in our downstairs bathroom that never gets used. In fact, since we have lived here I have yet to use it. Call me practical, call me bland, call me what you may, I just haven't jumped in. Last night I felt horrible so Jonathan said it was time at last I used the tub. It was a great idea. I threw in a few bubbles and turned on the jets. Holy smokes. The bubbles kept growing and growing and growing. Once they were flowing over the sides of the tub I decided it was probably time to turn them off. I couldn't stand the thought of so many good bubbles going to waste so when I was done with a soak the boys got their turn at bubble mania. Andrew got his bubble time with me, but it didn't take long for the warm bubbles to take their toll and before long he was falling asleep in the tub. Dad helped the other two munchkins take their bath.

Happy Birthday to Amber

Having your birthday on the last day of the year is a lot of fun. However, it is also the last day for individuals to have surgeries done after having met their deductibles for the year. Consequently, my husband whose job usually allows him to be home by early afternoon kept him hopping until evening and we had just enough time for dinner, cake and bedtime. Adam decorated the table just for me. Didn't he do a great job? The cake was made by me. It was chocolate cake with candy cane frosting... yum. Happy 28th!

Christmas part 2

So what I didn't mention was that 2 dogs jumped ship or shall I say sleigh over our house on Christmas and we now have 2 new golden retrievers. Jonathan has been wearing me down for 7 years now and he finally got his Christmas present. They are outside dogs thank heavens, but have been shacking up in the downstairs bathroom at night until the doghouse is finished. The boys LOVE them. My odds are really getting bad... it's now 6 boys to my one little self. Someone help me.

Christmas in Idaho

Idaho is far from Iowa. Therefore, one would find it highly unlikely that a bunch of Iowans would show up on Idaho's front doorstep for Christmas. But we did and the surprise was awesome. Michelle's squeal to see us standing in the doorway made the 20 hour drive well worth it. Before we made it to Idaho we stopped in Ogden to see my sister and meet two of her kids and her new husband. It has been so long since I have seen her that she has added 3 newbies to her family. We loved seeing the cousins and meeting her husband Kevin. What a nice guy.

(Lou's three and my three. Our last one's are 2 1/2 weeks apart)

After dinner with her family we went on to Idaho. We started out surprising my parents and spending a few days with them. They just kind of stared at us when we walked in the back door. It was so wonderful to be with them. My brother is the choir director and we were there for the ward choir Christmas program the Sunday before Christmas. It was so beautiful. My brother directs, my sister-in-law plays the piano, my other brother and sister-in-law sing along with 3 nephews and a niece. I felt so blessed to be in church with them. There was no other place on earth I would have rather been, than right there with them. It was such a tender mercy to feel so abundantly of the spirit and to be among family. I was a favorite Christmas gift. After a very short few days with them we headed to Island Park to surprise Jonathan's family. It snowed and snowed and snowed while we were there. It was definitely one of those have to see to believe kind of times. We swam at the clubhouse, went on a horse-drawn sleigh ride, fed fish at Big Springs, dug and dug and dug snow, and celebrated Christmas.

(Right after we arrived in Island Park. We Pulled the boys on sleds from our condo to G&G's condo to give a jolly good surprise.)

(We froze to death on the sleigh ride. The smores and hot cocoa at the end of the ride were a welcomed treat. The river behind us wasn't frozen so we got to feed the fish.)

(Adam turned into a water loving fish while we were there. There is a smaller kid's pool at the clubhouse that is heated and the boys loved swimming in it. Jonathan and I also got to play some racquetball... I whooped him. Twice.)

(Christmas morning was magical. The boys especially loved getting candy canes with candy in them.)

(It snowed like nothing I have ever seen before on Christmas Eve. We got 2 1/2 feet of snow overnight. After we opened gifts on Christmas morning we opened the blinds to survey the damage. All 5 cars parked at the cabin were completely buried. This is a picture of Preston's van after it had been dug out... by the way Becky... we love Preston. The A-frame cabin dropped all the snow on top of his van along with the 2 1/2 feet that fell. It was an adventure to say the least. I wondered if any of us were ever going to get out.)

I'm a Mom

A few days ago I went into the kitchen to finish up doing the dishes. I cleared off the table and put the dishes in the dishwasher. When I went to put soap in the dispenser I noticed it was closed. That was a little odd. What I found wasn't. Matthew left a present for me. Thanks bud. Someday I'll miss finding kid tracks everywhere I turn.

Strep Throat

I have been about as sick as I have ever been. I went to the doctor yesterday and found out I have strep throat. I haven't had strep for a long time and it has rocked my world. I have had a few rounds of antibiotics which has mildly helped with the fever... so instead of feeling crummy and doing nothing I figured I'd feel crummy and play blog catch-up.