Matters of the heart

Blogging my day to day feels like carrying cement bricks.  I don't want to ever put them down because it admits that what I am trying to carry is heavier than I have the strength to hold.  But the only way to be able to keep them forever is set them down.  I want to remember every moment of our days, but admitting that there is a need to remember our every day admits that our days our numbered.

Today Rebecca watched the littles for us and we ran errands together.  We went to two different banks to check on funding the addition to the house.  After seeing the fees and interest rates compared to our current rates it deterred me from wanting to finance the addition.  I was hoping to finance it so we can keep our principal and continue to invest.  Jonathan has been very successful in managing our investments and it makes the most financial sense to borrow at a low interest so we can capitalize on a high interest return.  The final decision hasn't been made.

After a run to the banks we went to Cauble & Cauble to finalize our trust & wills.  Jonathan can't sign his name anymore so we filed through the stacks of papers with Jonathan's handy signature stamp that Noah Jarvie gifted to him as he was serving as bishop.  It has been a lifesaver more times than I can count.

Next was stop at Jim Clark's RV consignment shop.  There is a Sunseeker RV that we have been looking at for a month.  We finally took it for a test drive today.  Jonathan sat up front next to me and I ventured out onto the road - all 32 plus feet of us.  It is like driving a billboard sign but I managed to drive it out to Rogue River and back on the interstate.  If this crazy idea of taking a cross country road trip this summer really pans out we are in for an adventure.  It is going to be insane.  But it will be a memory we never forget.  I had to laugh when I parked the RV.  The owner of the shop came up to the driver door and when I parked he said, "Don't forget to straighten the wheel."  Jonathan and I about died in laughter.  For the past three weeks he has been hounding me to straighten the when when I turn off the car.  It has never once in my life crossed my mind to leave the wheel straight when I park.  But according to Jonathan that is simply unethical practice to leave the wheel of the car misaligned when the keys come out of the ignition.  When Mr. Clark made the same comment to me it was a nail in my coffin.

After the test drive we headed for the kids, but we hit McDonald's first.  The McDonald french fry has become a staple to Jonathan.  He now has the app, is among the world's first to master mobile ordering and Apple Pay.  We just drive up and they hand us our food.  Nutty.  Today I ate with him.  We had quarter pounders, because the app had a coupon for buy one get one free and a McFlurry because those were buy one get one too.  He got a rolo and I got oreo.  Note to self, the rolo is RIDICULOUSLY delicious and made the oreo McFlurry taste like mud.  It was carmely and yummy.
We sat in the parking lot after we picked up the food and I fed him his fries first because they have to be hot, his ice cream and then burger.  It is kind of like we are living the retired life.  Living large... eating McDonald's living off of social security, but still buying diapers.

Raising bunnies... the Man's way

The best part of my day included this...

Sitting in the big brown chair this afternoon reading to Maggie and after about three books my strength gave way and I drifted off to a teeny-tiny nap.  I woke to fuzzy little bunnies running through the house.  I'm not certain how Jonathan managed to get them in the house, but I think Maggie was in on it.  They hopped around for a little bit and Jonathan returned outside to take a look at their hutch. 

These fuzzy little bunnies with wiggly noses were what greeted sweet little 7 year old Michael Christmas morn.  But Christmas was 8 days ago and the new "Christmas Morning" magic has worn off and the bunny poop has started to pile up.

I found myself stirred from my nap and in on the bunny affair when Michael came home from school.  Jonathan directed him outside to tackle the poop filled bunny hutch.  Michael was very reluctant at first.  He didn't know exactly how to clean it.  It was heavy, awkward, and a bit gross.  Jonathan recognized all of these challenges for Michael but instead of giving way to the difficulty standing before him, he coached him.

This is why I love this man.  He teaches.  In every moment he can, he instructs.  He wanted Michael to feel the joy that comes from tackling a job.

But not just tackling it, but doing it well.

And right.

And putting the tools up when you are done.

And so with every speck of love this man has, he mentored Michael and taught him everything he could about caring for these little critters.  About taking pride in his pets.  About showing them love.  About giving them the very best of him.

Like Michael's father was giving to him.

I overheard pieces of the conversation from the kitchen and it quickly became a favorite part of my day.  Michael, you are a blessed little boy.  And quite the bunny keeper.

"A very young child’s potential for learning and understanding is far greater than we tend to believe. The exciting possibility is that while children are learning new words daily, they can learn the language of the scriptures. In time, through the guidance of parents and teachers, they will grow in their understanding that Heavenly Father is speaking to them through the scriptures, that the scriptures can help them find answers to their problems." - Anne G. Wirthlin

This is a loved man

Jonathan decided he wanted to give a new drug Radicava a try.  It was just recently approved by the FDA for persons with ALS.  It is the first drug in 20 years that has been approved by the FDA.  I am unaware of great success that has come about with the use of the drug, but it is new enough that there are not a lot of people that have used it.  In the clinical trials there was one positive result that indicated it helped to slow the progression of the disease.  Radicava is a regular IV infusion that Jonathan will receive in an on/off cycle for the rest of his life, or as long as he wants to use it.  It is ridiculously expensive, $1,000 a dose.  Insurance doesn't cover the cost, but there is another group that has approved Jonathan to assist with the cost of the drug.  He will have to go to the hospital for his infusions that are supposed to last about 1.5 hours.  When he reaches maintenance dosing I believe he will dose for 10 days and be off for 14.  All yet to be understood entirely.

We went in today for surgery so that Jonathan could have a permanent port placed for easy access for the infusions.  I have never been to a place where more love could have been felt.  From the moment we walked through the automatic doors of Asante Three Rivers Hospital there was an outpouring of love.  Real genuine love.  The people that cared for Jonathan truly love this man.  He has spent 6 years working by their side striving to provide excellent patient care.  He has been among them and garnered their love and respect.  I have often taught my children the boomerang scripture: 

Alma 41:15

"For that which ye do send out shall return unto you again, 

and be restored..."

Never has that scripture been more true than the moments I sat with Jonathan watching loving hands prep him, perform, and recover him from surgery.  There were not finer people to walk the earth than those that cared for Jonathan.  I saw them very clearly wanting to give back to him all that he has spent many years giving to them.  It was hallowed fulfillment of scripture.  

Jonathan is a loved man.

By more than just me.

Dr. Megan Frost placed the port and left her loving mark.  Keith Jensen, the last of Jonathan's true anesthesia comrades that were among the members of the original CRNA group performed his anesthesia.  The best of the best.  The very hands of our Savior could not have felt more loving this day.  There is a goodness to some people that permeates everything.  We are so blessed.

I think there was a little excitement for Jonathan to be on the receiving end of anesthesia.  He marveled at how well he remembered nothing and again was reminded why his job brought him so much satisfaction.  Anesthesia is a funny thing, we know that it works and where it works, but science doesn't really understand why.  Leave it to Jonathan to pick a profession that is close to magic.  I could not love this man more.

Failed Frugal Moose

For years we have had the Christmas Eve matching jammie tradition.  I personally love it and it brings me absolute joy as a mother.  This year there were many lessons learned in the jammie acquisition process that previous years have left unlearned.  I began my search for affordable matching pj's way back at the beginning of November thinking I would be way ahead of the game.  

I lost this game.

Bad.

I found a "great" website online to order the pj's from at a price of $3.88 for a pair of pj's!  This was a screaming good deal so I clicked and ordered.  Things went wrong in a hurry.  My credit card was hacked, false charges were made to my account and customer service only speaks Chinese.  We had to replace the credit card and reschedule all of our automatic payments.  When the pajama's arrived I quickly found that Chinamen and Jenson's do not have the same physique.  The pants were appropriately sized until about Michael's pair at which point the bottoms increased in size assuming we were full grown gnomes, not humans.  I originally ordered 9 sets of pj's at a screaming good price but it took all nine for me to remake enough pairs to fit the kids and left Jonathan and I out of the matchy-match party.  I did some awesome stitch work and got pretty good looking jammies for this posse.  We took our festive Christmas Eve matching jammie photos and captured the memory to last forever.

And then I washed my Chinese made, gnome fitting pj's.

And they melted.  I had a hot mess of melted Moose.  Antlers, bodies and hooves became one and when forced to decling I had holes in our pj's.  Holy $3.88 matching jammies Batman. 

But in the moment we gathered, anticipating Christmas morning, the jammies were perfect.  Everything was perfect.  Love, and the twinkles of a child filled the air and there was true joy.  Thick, and full, and real.  The promise of forever as a family filled our home to the brim and life simply could not have been better.

We are eternal.  We are forever.  We are as good as it gets.

Made perfect and possible through Him whom we love.

Christmas Eve Nativity with the Moss family

We joined the Mosses for Christmas Eve dinner.  It was broccoli cheese soup, toasted garlic bread and veggies.  We gathered all 13 children around and put on the nativity.  I think this was the first year our family has tried such a feat but we managed without too much chaos.  Rebecca's costumes made the kids look darling.  There was a gentleness and peace as we read scriptures and sang songs of the Savior's birth.

Being Gloria Fretz's Bishop

This year for Christmas the ward decided once again to put together Christmas baskets for members of our ward that were deserving of a little extra love.  Jonathan and I spent several hours purchasing food items and materials for the baskets.  We went to the church to drop off all of the items in the kitchen so they would be ready for the youth to assemble at mutual.  Jonathan isn't able to help carry anything anymore so I lugged all the food inside alone.  On my last load I looked over this sea of heartfelt love and paused, I realized for the first time my season as a bishop's wife is coming to a close.  For 5 Christmases I have stood alongside Jonathan as he has worked with integrity to bless the poor and the needy.  For 5 Christmases I have been his go-to-girl as he has loved, ministered and lifted this time of year... loaves of bread, flower bouquets, boxes, baskets.   Pondering my experiences brought an awareness of approaching closure on this chapter of our lives.  

However, 5 Christmases has brought more than a reason to ponder.  It has dealt the dear bishop an upper hand.  As the boxes were being assigned for delivery there was one box that Jonathan very willingly set to the side assuring others he was happy to deliver himself.

Gloria Fretz's box.

Gloria Fretz is a 92 year old woman that drives a mini-van with rubber duckies covering the entire front dash.  Gloria Fretz is spunky.  Gloria Fretz doesn't miss a Saturday morning church cleaning assignment and brings here own supplies.  Gloria Fretz has had 92 years on earth to reach perfection, chocolatiering perfection.  European chocolatiering perfection.  After serving as her bishop for 5 Christmases Jonathan knew what she was up to this time of year.

And he capitalized.

But pride cometh before the fall.

And he did.  Backwards off of her steps, hitting his head so hard his vision became blurred and he started to shake from shock.  It was the hardest I have seen him fall and his first time falling backwards forcefully.  We have his new leg braces that we picked up yesterday to thank for that gesture.  They help him to stand more erect but they force his weight backwards.  Which quickly becomes problematic when attempting to Christmas carol from a flight of stairs.  Dear Sister Fretz opened the door to a lack of singing and Jonathan lying prostrate in her front yard.  Adam and I lifted Jonathan back to his feet and the little kids sang a song with gusto.  She was so pleased with their singing she threw in another box of chocolates.  Sadly, as we left she informed us that his was her last year of chocolate making and so we would have to savor every bite.  And we did.  Thanks hun for lunging from cement steps for these chocolates.  Even little Anna knows perfection when she see it.