5am Toe Nudge

5am… I got the toe nudge.  One of the few things Jonathan can still voluntarily move.  I rolled over and asked if he needed suction.  No.  Hand repositioning?  No.  Leg bag emptied?  No.  Forehead scratched?  No.  Tubing condensation drained?  No.  I got the toe nudge again. I was coming up with nothing.  Suction?  No.  I turned on Jonathan’s computer so he could tell me what was up.  

This was the message I got:

"I have a bee in my bonnet.”

Neat.  We’ve been asleep for 4.5 suction interrupted hours.  Kill the bee and go back to sleep.

The message wasn’t complete:

“I think we should go to church together as a family today.  I’m feeling pretty good.  Let’s do it.”

The all consuming feeling of ~UGH~ fell over me.  With a twinge of anger and a bigger twinge of ~oh my heck I’m so tired he can’t be serious~  We haven’t all been to 9am church since Corona hit 4 months ago and never lugging the vent.

I looked over at his face being illuminated by his computer screen in the dark, and there was that Jonathan grin.  That really super huge Jonathan grin.  The man wasn’t just serious, he was set on the idea and that bee was headed to church.  I had 3.5 hours to execute.  Sweet merriweather I had to get cracking.

I pulled myself up and started the morning time routine with one eye barely open and a grumpy brow.  Suction, cough assist, stomach vent, tube feed water, vent disconnect, neck brace, transfer to chair, reconnect vent, shave, brush teeth, shower prep, disconnect vent, remove inner cannula, shower stoma guard, neck brace and then transfer to shower… it was at that point that I looked at this grinning man and realized A)He really is feeling better, and, B)Some things NEVER change.  He has been dragging me around for almost 20 years.  He is tenacious as heck. And my heart softened as I looked at my companion and was overcome with gratitude that my man has still got it.  I have dreaded millions of his ideas and EVERY SINGLE TIME the angst eventually passes and I find myself filled with gratitude that he was born with gumption.  Though often dreaded, I’ve learned to trust his judgement on life’s moments to seize.

So I kept clipping along and got Jonathan ready for church, then started on myself and the rest of the tribe... a little less furrow in my brow now.

We got everyone out the door with only one screaming and refusing to wear shoes.  I had to pat myself on the back getting all nine of us and a vent to church before 9am.  By 4pm I was in a near coma, but we did it.

Church was amazing.  Great precaution was used in the act of gathering a semi-large group and I knew we did the right thing.

Today, I am simply thankful for the beekeeper by my side.