Be Renewed

The weight of the planet rests on the shoulders of a caregiver.  EVERY SINGLE THING IN LIFE feels like it depends on you.  Last night at 1:50am I got my first customer.  Aaron, the 4 year old, had a leaky pull-up and he and his bed were soaked.  I got up and stripped his bed, found new jammies and a pull up, made him up a new bed and tucked him in bed.  2:10am, my second customer.  Jonathan needed his urine bag emptied and his condom catheter he felt was coming loose.  I emptied the bag and checked the cath.  Sure enough it was pulling off so I replaced it.  2:20am while still assisting customer #2, #3 enters the room.  Tears and whimpering from the two year old.  I nestle her into my spot of the bed and she goes back to sleep.  I drain Jonathan's bag one more time and head to the couch to try to sleep because I don't want to rustle the newly comforted two year old.  I couldn't fall asleep on the uncomfortable couch and at 3:15am I hear screeching from customer number four.  The disoriented 6 year old had wet the bed and couldn't find me anywhere.  I got up with her, washed her down, changed her clothes and tucked her into the nest I had made for myself on the couch.  By now, the two year old in my spot on the bed was back into a deep sleep so I put her back in her bed and I reclaimed my spot back in bed.  I lay there wide awake.  My mind was fussing.  Tomorrow morning the 5:30am back to school routine would begin again.  I began to feel defeated before the day had even begun.  As I lay there feeling stretched thin the thought came to my mind, "Have I ever forsaken you?"  Suddenly the outcome of tomorrow no longer depended upon anything besides a choice I needed to make.

I woke up to pray with Adam before he left for early morning seminary and then began my morning scripture study.

As I read Eph 4:23 the Lord had a message for me:  "Be renewed in the spirit of the mind."  And I remembered the loving words my Father spoke to me in the night, Have I ever forsaken you?  And renewal in my mind came and reassurance once again, that I could do this.

Sabbath

It is the reverence of this Sabbath afternoon that I want to bottle.  Jonathan’s favorite meal of roast and mashed potatoes adorn the table this afternoon.  The tribe came in chaos and in deafening tones, devoured their plates of food and then left to play a board game.  I sit next to Jonathan at the kitchen table.  His grey Sunday suit covered with a dish towel and his plate of food slowly disappearing.  He eats small bites and chews and chews and chews.  The peace of music playing softly either by Adam on the piano or Alexa- Adam is mastering the piano and he fills the inner soul of the home with the sound he creates.  Jonathan requested O Magnum Mysterium from Alexa.  He used to sing this song with the BYU Men’s Chorus at college.  Dinner will take over an hour for Jonathan to eat.  He eats the roast and mashed potatoes and corn, but passes on the watermelon because the unpredictable gushes of watermelon juice in his mouth and down his throat make him choke.  There is so much to be thankful for.  Another Sabbath with this good man at my side, eating something that brings him joy while he still can, and there is joy.  Simple, peaceful joy.  Today during Stake Conference Adam sang in a group of 9 men.  I watched him sing and listened to him harmonize and was so proud of that kid.  It hit me like a ton of bricks how he is filling his Dad’s shoes.  And how pieces of his father have been passed on to him and he carries them forth brightly and nobly.  I looked down the pew at these seven kids we created and my heart swelled like a mama heart does when she sees for a moment what a glorious thing it is to look upon what you created that will last forever.  I am so thankful for these kids.